nostalgia & grief

lately i’ve been experiencing quite a bit of inner turmoil. this project, my turn toward my personal website as a digital refuge is an expression of that turmoil. though it feels imprecise, the word ‘alienated’ has echoed in my mind, my body, my spirit when i think about my current relationship with the world. ‘if only i could turn back the clock to when things made more sense’; when i used the home phone to call friends and family; or even when i still left voicemails; when i used email to have conversations with classmates after we both went home. something has changed within me.

it feels ridiculous to be twenty seven and thinking the world’s changed in a way i don’t understand and in a way that scares me. i thought that feeling was reserved for folks like sheriff bell in no country for old men. maybe things are just moving faster now; that the modern rate of change is aging and alienating younger and younger folks who, like me, might wake up one day and buy an old gameboy to soothe the tension they feel. to reconnect with something they can understand.